INTRO / track #1
"Backstage Pass" begins with a musical intro (track #1). The intro was a challenge to create for a variety of reasons. For one, it is without a key. Each of the songs on the album were written with specific key signatures (key of G, key of D, etc.), but I wrote the "intro" with no key in mind. A musical theorist could argue that there is a key, or multiply keys...if the song is truly dissected, but the point is I never wrote with a particular key in mind. I was going for more of a mood instead of a chord progression. In addition to "lack of key," the song really doesn't have much of an established tempo. There is a subtle beat behind some of the strings, but the strings sort of ease in and out of the tempo at times. There were no words to create the mood...the emotion had be created soley by the music...with a lot of musical rules (key, tempo) thrown out the window...so it was a little different approach than I was accustomed to.

Rich Barrett originally arranged all the string parts, but I really felt like the strings were too busy...so I arranged the strings for the first half of the song, and kept what Rich had done in the second half of the song. I really wanted the strings to build a little more, so I decided to begin with some long drone-like string phrases, and ease into Rich's "busier" arrangement.

Dave Bechtel was the one who originally thought of the general concept of an "intro." His thought was that the listener should be eased into the first full song "Pull Through." To listen to some of our original discussions concerning the intro, click here.

In this recording, you will mostly hear Dave and Rich talking and myself from time to time. These were some of the first ideas, and as you will hear in the final recording, things ended up changing a bit from what was described in this soundbyte. Most of the sounds on this song are synthesizer sounds which I created...or altered (from their original sound). Alot of the sounds I used are from software synths, and a couple sounds came from my Roland XP-30. The strings, of course, are live...7 players of the Nashville String Machine doubled (the sound of 14 players), plus a few string samples to fill out the low end.

Below is a description of what I thought the song would sound like. Writing out the "theme" of the song seemed to help me when it came down to picking sounds.

"The intro begins with the sound of a single water drip, symbolizing a small external human problem. Sometimes, we may notice a little frustration in another person and often we probably don’t know the half of what is concerning that individual. The drip effect transitions “inward” (with a low pass filter) to reveal the deeper emotions of that person. The drip almost begins to sound like a heartbeat. A moody string drone fades in as we begin to pan across a stormy horizon. Close at our feet, we hear a muted shoreline, washing up foam of desolation. The emotion intensifies as string lines pile in dissonance against a bed of sub-sea ambience. The intro concludes with an agitated arpeggiation of strings. The piece is left unresolved with a short decay of darkened sea vessel effects, preparing the listener for the aquatic disturbances of 'Pull Through.'” -written summer 2004

SUPPOSED TO BE / track #3
“Supposed to Be” was a challenging song to write from the get-go, unlike some of other songs on the new album (like “Fooled” or “Backstage Bass”). I actually probably wrote about two or three totally different renditions (lyrics and melody) before composing the version you now hear on the CD. I think it was especially tough to nail down the exact emotion which was to be associated with this subject. It wasn’t a terribly dark or reflective subject, but it also wasn’t a chipper fun theme like “Making of a Rock Star,” as an example. Essentially, the song was to cover the rather “heavy” topics of depravity and habitual sin while maintaining an emphasis on forgiveness, freedom in Christ, and the journey of sanctification…all without sounding too preachy, too CCM, or too poppy (even though the song did end up with more of a pop rock/funk feel).

I think there are a couple things arrangement-wise which help to keep the song “somewhere in the middle” emotionally. The chord changes definitely help with this. The intro and turn-arounds in the song stay in a major key while the verses alternate between major and minor chords (a C# minor chord is used in the verse as oppose to a C# major chord which is used in the intro and turn-arounds. Also, there are a lot of suspended chords in the chorus which create for an “unresolved” feel…which helps to communicate the fact that it is our choice to live or not to live in the freedom which we’ve been given as believers…in other words, a decision is pending.

This brings me to the real heart of the theme, positional truth. I think the first person who really got me thinking about this topic was my good author friend Kary Oberbrunner (www.redeemtheday.org). To this day, in my wallet I have a laminated card (which Kary gave me several years ago) which lists a number of titles which we’ve inherited as followers of Christ. Here are some examples…”accepted in the beloved,” “mastered no longer by sin,” “Quieted by who God is,” “Wonderfully made.” At the bottom, the card reads “The real journey begins when I stop believing that my condition is all I am, and start living in the light of my position.”

I’ve seen in my own life patterns of sin which have been partially formed because I’ve seen myself only as a “helpless sinner” and I’ve been so attuned to my own failure that I don’t see, and ultimately don’t trust, the power of God. We can try all we want to overcome sin, but the only way to truly be free is to let someone carry the burden for us…someone who has been a man just like me (yet sinless)…someone who both understands the weaknesses of man, and yet has the power to overcome our sin. Hebrews 2:17-18 says it well, “For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.”

It always bothers me when some pastors say things like, “Well, I used to struggle with such and such…” The reality is, we all struggle in different ways…and it’s very possible that the same temptations will face us our entire lives, on some level. Some days, we’re victorious and some days, we give in to what we know isn’t right. We should however be in the process of sinning less. Paul was just like us…

“So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.” (Romans 7:21-24)

The reality is, there is only ONE person who can rescue us from our slavery…if we are willing. When we chose to follow Christ, we were given a new inheritance and a new freedom, but it is hard to live like a prince if you think you are only a peasant. This perspective change has nothing to do with the “self-empowerment” which says “I can do anything if I put my mind to it.” It is quite frankly the total opposite. We actually gain freedom through realizing how incredibly helpless we are. If we believe we are weak, we will be more likely to seek someone who is stronger. Our position isn’t dependent upon our own strength or wisdom, but upon the power and loving choice of the One who has adopted us into His family.

We are indeed new creatures in Christ…and the key words here are in Christ. In our weakness, He shows His strength. Apart from Him, we are lost and incapable of any good thing. As the chorus of “Supposed to Be” says,

Every dead end brings you back to Calvary,
It’s who you’re supposed to be

HURRICANE / track #4
“Hurricane” was written in June 2002 and was the first song composed for the “Backstage Pass” album. I remember first working through the chord structure on an old piano at PAX51 television in the tumbleweed-plagued Thornville, OH. At this time, I was going through a really tough break-up (actually three songs from the new project were inspired by this situation) and I simply needed an outlet to write. I had no intentions of writing a whole new album. I just needed to get these emotions out and I also wanted to try my hand at some heavier music. I received a fair amount of feedback from “Dishes” which led me to believe that my strongest suite was not “quiet” music. It seemed that many people enjoyed the darker and more upbeat tunes on that project (Look Like You, Still I Call). Songs like “Find Yourself” and “Home” honestly came across as pretty weak and timid. In the end, I really used “Look Like You” and “Still I Call” as a launch pad for the new album “Backstage Pass.”

Initially, the lyrics to “Hurricane” came across as extremely bitter (“bitter” would be a good way to describe my feeling at the time) and it was my roommate (and boss at the time), Dave Wilson, who pointed out the negative connotation of the lyrics. Sure, Christians can harbor the sin of bitterness, but I quickly realized that that was not the message I wanted to communicate. As I worked on “Hurricane,” I realized that I was addressing a pretty universal issue. Personally, I was overwhelmed by feelings of rejection, confusion, and anger inspired by a girl who had broken my heart…but the same “Hurricane” idea could just as well relate to the man who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, or the teenager who has had her heart broken by an acoholic father. Originally, the song was written from a “you” perspective (You broke my heart, but He is the eye of my Hurricane). Eventually, the song was simply a conversion between God and I instead of me and my ex. I felt that this was the best way to address some very real and painful emotions.

Often, I feel like Christian music can scoot around the reality of pain, loss, and misunderstanding. Maybe we fear being vulnerable as Christians…I mean, we are supposed to have it all together, right? I really believe the unbelieving world sees right through that. Sure, there is (or at least should be) joy in the Christian life, but the true joy often doesn’t come without a lot of wrestling. The things we think we really believe are tested the most in trial, and it's maybe in those times that we realize just how little we really trust the things we once swore to. It’s easy to say God understands until you yourself come to the point of total helplessness and confusion. Through those moments, we discover that God isn’t a backup plan; He is in fact the backbone of our existence and the source of our very breath.

For me, I knew in theory that God was somewhere in the midst of my heartache, but it was extremely difficult to ignore the intense void which was left after the breakup. I think it’s easy to assume that God doesn’t have a good grasp of what pain is, even more so our own. I mean, Jesus never dated …maybe He had a crush here or there (we don’t know)…but did He really have any idea of what it felt like to be totally rejected, ignored, even ridiculed…well, wait a minute, wasn’t that the story of His ministry? Crowds, even his closest friends, rejected Him when He needed them the most. On top of that, His own Father turned His back on Him at the cross. God understands pain more than we could ever know.

I remember co-producer Dave Bechtel saying once that he really liked “Hurricane” because it felt like a musical journey. Again (as explained in the making of “Supposed to Be” above), the chord progression in “Hurricane” helps immensely in defining the emotion of the song. There are a lot of chords in the song, and also a number of “sections.” Many of the verse chords are suspended which gives a feeling of unresolve or question. The pre-chorus (“The wind is ripping at my face”) totally jumps in key, (actually breaking some rules of traditional theory) giving the impression of an “emotional turn”…as if to say, “Here’s what I feel…now…this is the situation around me…”The wind is ripping at my face.” Next, the chorus uses some building chords, that is, chords which move up the keyboard (various inversions of the chords allow the baseline to steadily climb upward). In song composition, I often try to find the “peak of emotion” and work backwards. In other words, I try to make everything else build to a key moment in the song, and also make everything else a little “smaller” than the “peak.” The peak could be the highest vocal note in the song, or the loudest chorus, or maybe the heavy bridge. It’s sort of like the idea of building a rollercoaster (although the peak of a song is not generally at the beginning). Regardless, I would assume the engineers think first about the tallest part of the ride (or maybe the biggest loop), and then discuss the other sections of the ride after they have confirmed the integrity of the “first hill.”

AFTER EVERYTHING / track #5
For the most part, I think this tune can go without explanation. I seriously have the hardest time writing relationship songs because the emotions involved tend to be so complicated, not to mention you are often involving the reputation of someone else. I suppose you are sharing with the world a pretty delicate part of yourself, and are in a way letting future dates in on secrets about your love life, secrets that could ultimately benefit or harm your reputation. I imagine it would be difficult for someone to listen to "After Everything" without taking sides. This is the sort of song that tends to leave you feeling sorry for someone. I had one friend tell me that "After Everything" nearly made her cry.

It’s funny how two people can place such different values on the same thing. I personally thought I had met "the one," but apparently, I only revealed to this that she was still in love with someone else. That’s a tough place to be. In the end, I was quite happy for her…but along the road came many thoughts of inferiority and confusion. The words "After everything I messed up/Everything I knew not" in the chorus reveal a pivotal issue. I was blaming myself for not being better in areas I couldn’t solidify. I so badly wanted to fix the relationship…I wanted to be a better boyfriend…I wanted to please this , but she wouldn’t tell me what the problem was. It was quite a heart wrenching experience. Evidently, in the end, she was able to get over something that took me over two years to put behind. I guess I walked into this relationship trying to be totally trusting, completely open, and it seemed like my aptness to give my heart away is what ultimately left my heart ripped up and trampled upon. I have since learned the value of guarding my heart, and allowing time for trust to develop.

The bridge of the song really paints the relationship as passing, surreal, and almost comical: "This was our parade my friend/As a heart betrayed runs again." As I wrote the song, I imagined she and I riding in a float waving listlessly to the confetti-clouded crowd which blurred by. At times, I felt the relationship was really more about her having a boyfriend than about her wanting to be with me. It’s as if the show was more important than the people involved.

I think a lot of folks can relate to the loss communicated in this tune. There is really no mention of God in the lyrics, and honestly, I don’t know how I could have brought a spiritual side into the song without destroying or "cheesifying" it. The rest of the album continually points to God, but I really feel like "After Everything" was meant to simply show the relational struggle between two people. I guess if any, the passage which came to mind was Ecclesiastes chapter 3 which speaks about there being "a time for everything." "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die…a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up…a time to love and a time to hate, and a time for war and a time for peace." I’m not sure what I think about Solomon saying "there is a time to hate" as Christ commands us to love even our enemies. (Luke 6:27)

Looking back, I can at least see some ways in which God has used this breakup in my life (and in the life of the who I dated, as she is now happily married). For one, I don’t think this album would have been written if I hadn’t experienced the pain which was birthed through this heartbreak. It was these intense emotions that allowed me to write many of the more open and passionate songs on "Backstage Pass." During this relationship, I actually gave up much of my pursuit of music, and since then, I’ve realized that I can’t completely deny a passion that is an essential fabric of my being. Though the song never addresses such a thought, I believe the bigger lesson in "After Everything" is that God can ultimately use the struggles of life for our betterment and for the betterment of other people. Often, it’s these aches which draw us even closer to the only One who truly understands and can satisfy our searching hearts.

"After Everything" was the first tune which I’ve written (at least initially) on guitar. I am hardly a guitar player, but I was able to get a good idea of the feel of the song on the guitar, before moving to piano to further define the arrangement. The actual song was written in about a day or two, while months were spend altering words here and there for the purpose of expressing the precise emotion. We even changed one line in the recording booth as I was tracking the final vocals. This was the first song we recorded at Dark Horse Recording on October 17th, 2003, and the actual rhythm section (drums, bass, 2 guitars, and piano) were recorded in one take. Synthesizer, FX, and vocals were added nearly 6 month later.

FOOLED / Track #7
This song came to me through a combination of circumstances. It was originally inspired by some of the kids in my church’s youth group, mainly those who were attending the Christian school I grew up in K-12. Some of the stories I was hearing were amazing…how kids were treating teachers (not to mention each other)…the second life which was lived on the weekends…the lack of interest in spiritual and eternal things. Stuff was bad when I was in high school, but I was just amazed at how much worse it had seemingly grown since 1994. The sad thing is…as I stepped back from the situation, I realized that I was just as guilty at times of living a double lifestyle. At times, my “alone” choices weren’t reflecting the Christ I was attempting to communicate…whether that be the jokes that I would entertain, the movies/shows I would allow myself to ingest, the thoughts I gave free reign to…I quickly went from a place of judgment to conviction. To this day, I still struggle (as I suppose as we all do) in glorifying God when no one is looking. The first part of the chorus of “Fooled” reads: You’re switching masks/Playing everyone’s stage/Strattling the ropes of rapport. If we’re honest, this is the game we’re all prone to play.

Essentially, “Fooled” tells a story of a kid who grows up living a lie…while each verse of the song recounts a different stage in his life, and a varied manifestation of the same problem. In verse one, we see him as the Christian school kid…maybe in student council…possibly getting the “Joshua Award”…”the star,” if you will. Everyone praises this kid, but underneath the “stained glass grins” is a heart of rebellion, a heart which is looking for an opportunity to sin. Some people have been confused about the line “You bring two legs for every fence”…this comes from the old saying “strattling the fence” and basically means that he is trying to balance two opposing camps. Over time, he’s learned to both please those who look up to him as a Christian, as well as those who praise him for “giving in” (the weekend crowd, if you will).

Verse two brings us to a new place in this guy’s life…he is now getting engaged. His fiancé sees him as the guy who prays with her on every date, the Godly leader she’s been dreaming of. In reality, he still has “shaded rooms” which she’s unaware of…skeletons in the closet…issues which he has refused to deal with, claiming “that’s just the way I am.” His conscience has been become so seared, he no longer recognizes his sad state, as the next line responds: it’s sad the way you are.

The bridge (as bridges often do) give some interpretation to all the imagery expressed throughout the rest of the song. It reads: You blur the lines/You’re dead, but you can’t see the signs. John 1:6 states “If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.” (There’s actually a misprint in the album booklet…the verse above the lyrics should be I John 1:6, not James 1:6) James 1:22-24 goes on to say, “But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who DELUDE themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in the mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was.” The more we ignore the truth, the more we become numb…just like the old illustration of the frog slowly boiling to death in a pot of water. Before we know it, our consciences are so deluded, we can’t choose right over wrong, or even distinguish what is life and what is death. This guy is spiritually dead, insensitive to the Holy Spirit’s voice (and potentially unsaved). The signs he fails to see are everywhere. That, my friend, is a scary place to be.

Ask God today to your conscience. Plead with Him to give you ears that will hear His voice, and not refuse it over the things of this world. God can do anything except deny Himself and act contrary to His nature…it’s crazy to think that He could cause a flood to cover the earth, but He can’t force us to choose Him. It gives a whole new light and responsibility to free will.

The third and last verse of “Fooled” paints the picture of a birthday party – Five candles, funnel hats, and screams/Seems just like yesterday, but now he’s seventeen. The main character in our story now has a son. The father is remembering what feels like yesterday; his son was having his fifth birthday and now the boy is a young man. The son, now dancing between truth and lies, has become a splitting image of his father. The innocence of the father’s two-faced acrobatics has left him numerous consequences, included a rebellious son.

One of the greatest things we can do to combat our fence strattling tendencies is to seek accountability. The Bible speaks very strongly about this. James 5:16 raises it’s megaphone with these words, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” The second half of the chorus is an illustration of this very principle. What in the world does “You won’t sleep in this bed that He’s made/Because you know you can’t lock these doors” mean? God has created a place of rest for us through community…that is, other Christian brothers and sisters…the church is “God’s bed” for us…this should be our place to “refuel.” The thing is, true fellowship in the church involves BEING REAL. You can’t “lock the doors” if there is true accountability. You have to let other people (not everyone, but those you are accountable to) see the attics, cellars, and musty closets. Hiding our sin and struggles only causes us to fall farther from and more numb to the truth. You know there’s a problem when you start saying…"well, that’s just the way I am." As Christians, we need to be moving…that’s what sanctification is about…it’s about becoming more like Christ…and one of the greatest ways to accomplish this is through the council and even exhortation of fellow believers. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” - Proverbs 27:6